Sakura's Thoughts
by Amicably Apathetic
Summary: Dear Diary, I was once told by Fai san that the best thing I can do for him is to smile.' Sakura reminisces on past events and comes to a conclusion. PAST BOOK 17ish SPOILERS.


A/N: Hi! It's been awhile. I started this a month or so ago, but on a spur of the moment thing I felt inspired and finished it. I actually really like this which is super rare for me. Also, I have broken my no pairing rule, but this is Syaoran/Sakura, you guys can't hate me for that. They are a. canon and b. just so cute they make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside (at least for me). And even if you don't like the couple that's alright. I don't care. You can like what you want; it's your own business. Just don't flame me for not having the pairing you like. It's just plain out silly to do that and utterly pointless.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa or its characters no matter how much I wish too. Just a few of the books (even though I've read up to how many books have been published that have been). 

Couple: Syaoran/Sakura

Warning: **Super** sappiness and 'first attempt at romance' alert. And a pairing. And I have no beta so I just check it myself. Feel free to point out any grammar mistakes I made so I can correct them. Also, if you notice any things that I remembered wrong from the manga please tell me so I can correct it (especially the later part of this).

Warning 2: Spoilers for almost up to all the chapters that have been published in Japan (thank you fan-translators)

P.S. Yes, lame title, but I couldn't think of anything else.

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Dear Diary,

It's strange… Whenever I'm around 'him' I feel warm inside, and yet I don't ever remember meeting him before so why should I feel like this. I always feel empty inside, like a part of me is missing. Even as I get my memories back, there's always this feeling that there's something else I should remember. And yet, I don't.

Whenever I try to remember whatever it is that I can't my head starts to hurt. It's like there's a wall between me and this… thing that leaves me feeling empty. Sure, as I get my feathers I start feeling better, but there's still this hole. In my memories I hear a voice, but there's no one there.

But when I look at him, I feel better, the hole's still there, but it feels less empty. But something feels… just very slightly off about him…

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Dear Diary, 

Sometimes, I feel homesick, but then I think, 'Well, what about the others? Shouldn't they feel homesick too?' And then I resolve to be strong. I resolved that a while ago. I may not be able to do much, but I will try my best. I feel so weak… How can I be feeling bad for myself when there are others who having it much worse that I?

Oops, now he's worried about me because I'm frowning. I put on a smile, not wanting to worry him. He always does so much for me without even telling me why. Why does he do all this for a stranger? And why does he sometimes look so… lonely?

In fact, I don't really know him. I mean, I _feel_ like I know him, but I don't remember ever meeting him. But I don't know much about him really. I know that he has a dad, but I don't know where he's from or even his favorite color. But somehow he knows me, at least, more than I know about him.

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Dear Diary, 

I was once told by Fai-san that the best thing I can do for him is to smile. So I did, and he did look better when I smiled, but even then it looked a bit strained. I don't know why, but whenever he's upset or hurt I always feel the need to comfort and soothe him. To tell him that it's going to be ok. I don't know him very well, but somewhere deep inside me tells me I do.

It makes me feel horrible to see him sad, but it kills me to see him lonely. I remember when we were in that one world where Syaoran-kun later told me he had seen a different version of his dad. I remember when he told me that his eyes held the loneliest expression I had ever seen on him. When I saw that face I swore to myself I had to prevent it from ever happening again.

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Dear Diary,

When I think about it, I think the reason why I barely noticed why Syaoran-san always seemed a bit off (especially when I looked in his eyes) was because well, he was a clone. He was originally designed for darkness, but luckily the original Syaoran-san copied his heart and put it in our Syaoran-kun. He told me that he did this hoping that Syaoran-kun would develop his own soul, his own personality. But it didn't. I can't believe he did what he did. He nearly killed Fai-san and took one of his eyes. Fai-san had to become vampire.

But yet, I still have hope for him. Even though he's done so many bad things and may be doing them even now I still hope. I hope because I remember his eyes. They held so much emotion, so much feeling. I also remember the feeling he gave off. He always made me feel better, he always rescued me. Well now I'm going to rescue him.

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Sakura put down her journal slowly onto the desk and then had the pen join it. She glanced around the room seeing Kurogane sitting in a corner sleeping and Fai a couple of feet away, sleeping on a futon that the world they currently were in apparently had.

She saw Mokona lying on the only bed in the room which she was supposed to sleep on and smiled softly when she heard Mokona snore. Sakura pushed out her chair slowly not wanting to wake the others and once she was up pushed it back in. She walked over to the window and leaned on the windowsill.

She gazed up into the night looking at the stars not recognizing any constellations. This made her feel lonely realizing for the first time in a while how really alone she was in a world so very different than her own. She sighed and looked outside some more when she saw the moon.

The moon… It cheered her up again because it made her realize that no matter how many worlds she went to, at least they all so far had a moon (or 2 or 3). This was significant because it showed how even though the worlds were all different; they all had something in common.

She thought back to Syaoran again. She thought about how in the past time they had spent together how he'd had helped her, protected her while wanting nothing in return when she didn't even know him.

She thought about how his hair matched his eyes so perfectly and about how his eyes managed to reflect his soul so clearly. She reminisced about all they had been through together. All the worlds they had seen and adventures they'd had with Kurogane, Fai, and Mokona.

She thought about how even though the body she'd been around had been a clone, the heart, spirit, and soul had been real. That's why it hurt so bad when he went and betrayed them. But she would bring the Syaoran-kun _she_ new back. She would. She had too. If he really was completely gone… She didn't know what she's do…

It suddenly came to her. She realized that she was 100 percent without a doubt, in…

_Love._

And she would get him back. Now having realized that, she was even more bound and determined to rescue him, and neither storm nor even hell could stop her.

…She _would _rescue him.

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A/N: Wow. I love this. I've worked on it extensively and I've also changed it. All in all, I've enjoyed writing this a lot (even though it was sad). Seriously, I've looked at this several times just too see if I spotted anything new which I usually did. Anyways, I finally finished this because my mom has banned me from the internet except for a little bit during the weekends right now. Which is when I'm posting this.

Anyways, I hope that at least somebody out there has enjoyed this. I write for three reasons. I write this for fun, for myself, and to make even one person enjoy this. I'm the type of person who loves to make others happy.

Anyways, I better stop before I rant anymore.

If you liked this or saw an error please review!


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